What happens in Carshalton stays in Carshalton.

This isn’t a gig review, it’s an enjoyment review.

We set off a bit like this...

We set off a bit like this...

Once upon a time last week we Dirts went on a road trip to exotic Carshalton, land of wildebeest, ponds and a hospital built the wrong way round. We think. Our target was the Live at the Library session at The Sun. Our mission, which we chose to accept, was to enjoy a performance of more-amazing-than-amazing-stuff, ELTEL.

Sandrine drove us there in the family tank so we were arsecheek deep and totally at home in sweetie wrappers and the Detritus of Children (great band name). Mostly she remembered to drive on the left and, because we hadn’t been to Carshalton before, we chose neutral gang colours.

Eliz navigated the mean backstreets using the witchcraft of her magic iPhone.


Things we liked:

live at the library.jpg
  • The Sun’s grub: We fell upon our tea like wolverines in a bucket of lasagne. Food was really tasty and lots of it, thank you very much. Lorna kept a whole packet of battered halloumi and a flotilla of chips to herself; Eliz was very happy with some kind of magical cauliflower/truffle thing and Louise had a classy mac and cheese. Classy because of spinach. We can’t remember what Sandrine had but she was smiling so it must have been good. You're lucky we didn't take pictures.

  • The Sun’s staff. Young people are so polite and helpful, aren't they? Why are they so pretty and confident when at that age we were hiding in cupboards or having bad perms?

  • There is a GIN LIBRARY. Enough said.

  • ELTEL’S usual freaky weird brilliance.

  • A real find, oh frabjous day! A hugely magnificent surprise was Olski Shutov who made us collectively wee a little bit with his parodies of 80s classics, a voice like a melodious cheese grater on crack and an unnervingly sexy fake Slavic accent.

  • Oh, what a lovely audience.


And then Sam Hicks, the jolly nice host (bless him and all who sail in him), invited little old us to belt out a song so we did. Twice.

Toilets are hilarious.

Toilets are hilarious.

After a quick warm-up in the bogs, we sang an old favourite of ours (because we know the words without looking) A Night Out in Guildford, followed by the gentle classic Minge Away, which didn’t sound too bad considering Louise chose to have a hot flush during the sad verse (“Wind’s a howler round my growler.”)

We were so chuffed the audience laughed in all the right places and sometimes the wrong ones. And we've got a gig invite for laters. 

Handy stuff:

The Sun, Carshalton, Surrey, UK

Tickets for The Sun's Live at the Library (first Friday of the month)